Candiesforyou

It's one of those sleepless nights again. I busied myself day and night but my mind still have space and time for you. How... No distractions can takr you off my mind, memories just linger, even it was short, but it was fucking sweet. I thought I was getting better but I think i am kidding myself. Obviously with all these thoughts and tears I am not alright. I still misses you and I really don't know why. I am so silly. It was a night to remember, a week of untold promises, a deal done. But how much of it is true? To me, it will always be a regret. Regret for not seizing the day and following my heart. I followed my fucking brain and ended up here, thinking and longing for you. Even though I know how this will end, I am still expecting you. Maybe it has already ended, or for fuck sake maybe there was nothing at all. A game and I fucking lost. I know I will lose yet I chose to play. Gave in to temptation and see where it got me. I barely knew you! What has become of me. I'm...

Dear Lord, thank you for blessing me with people who stayed by my side despite me being inadequate and lousy as a friend. I would like to give thanks for You are the one who opened my eyes to see clearly and let me have the chance to show them love. Thank you Lord for putting me in situations which allowed me to understand and accept what's real and what's not. I think the hardest part of these all is coming to terms with mtself and to have the courage to accept that maybe some things are just now meant to be. Lord please lead and guide me through this phase of my life and I pray for all my friends, family and loved one to be bless by your greatness and generosity.  Let them be strong and happy for their happiness will become my own happiness. Lord your power is endless and I give you my all, to be your servant and let me see the world through your eyes, love with your heart and live with your spirit for the better. In Jesus' name, Amen.

In order to find yourself, you have to lose yourself first. I can't sleep at night, and I wake up early in the day. I check my phone constantly and I busy myself to keep you away.  Lord, please give me strength to tide through this. I swear I will not subject myself to this kind of pain anymore.

Ended my time in medical ward. I chose to step out of my comfort zone in pursuit of knowledge, skills and experience. I hope I've left a certain amount of legacy for my homies to follow suit. I will be better and stronger. Of course an end means a start of something new and I do hope I have the courage and strength to follow through this decision. Because I really hate to be a letdown and I live to prove people wrong. I am worth it. I'm just not sure if you are... but thanks for the memories. I really miss youuuu xx. Time to come back to Earth and get things going. After this sleep,  I have a new battle to fight! And I'm gonna win this! 

I think--I think when it's all over, It just comes back in flashes, you know? It's like a kaleidoscope of memories. It just all comes back. But he never does. I think part of me knew the second I saw him that this would happen. It's not really anything he said or anything he did, It was the feeling that came along with it. And the crazy thing is I don't know if I'm ever gonna feel that way again. But I don't know if I should. I knew his world moved too fast and burned too bright. But I just thought, how can the devil be pulling you toward someone who looks so much like an angel when he smiles at you? Maybe he knew that when he saw me. I guess I just lost my balance. I think that the worst part of it all wasn't losing him. It was losing me.