365/365
490 entries ever since 2005. I'm leaving this place for now. Last post of 2010. I'm at wordpress now. :)
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364/365
This year is ending, finally. Frankly speaking, it sucks. To prove, read all my 2010 entries and try comparing it with 09 or 08. Seriously, sucky ttm. I have many regrets in life, I don't deny that there have been good times during this year but the bad times override it, makes the good times look tiny, insignificant. Good or bad, I've survived, though barely but I did. The last year in school, or so I thought until I found out that I'm gonna graduate in Sept due to a forward module which is like lameshittothemax. So yeah I'm wasting my time now doing one module which is going to end in 3days time while the rest of the batch is doing their PRCP now. Sigh. School sucked but on the other hand competitions were awesome. WSapiens rock seriously even though the trainings are tougher than hell but the feeling on top of the podium is undescribable. Next is KOI, something good I would say. Met some pretty awesome people there and now I know why people can be so into work cause ...
YOU.
I HATE BEING CONTROLLED. WHY SO INSECURE. WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO WRONG WHICH LED TO YOUR INSECURITIES? WHAT DID I DO TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS? CMON ITS ONLY A GUY TRYING TO TEACH ME STUFF AT WORK AND YOU CAN THINK UNTIL HE HOLD MY HANDS AND LIKE WHAT I DO NOTHING ABOUT IT? AM I A FUCKING SLUT TO YOU WHAT THE FUCK.YOU SAY YOU TRUST ME BUT NOT OTHERS. WHAT IS THIS SERIOUSLY. THEN SAY MY WORKPLACE TOO MUCH GUYS. YOUR WORKPLACE SERVERS ALL GUYS ALSO CAN FLIRT WITH ANOTHER GIRL, I ALSO TRUST YOU ALREADY. WHY CANT YOU JUST FUCKING DO THE SAME. MUST WE BE LIKE SUPERGLUE ALL THE TIME? CANT I HAVE SOME TIME WITHOUT YOU? MUST I ALWAYS BE THERE TO REPLY YOUR TEXT? EVEN WHEN IM WITH MY FRIEND ONCE YOUR TEXT COME IN I MUST REPLY ONE FULL PAGE TO SHOW THAT I FUCKING CARE? EVERYTIME IM OUT WITH MY FRIENDS YOU WILL ASK GUY OR GIRL, DOES IT EVEN MATTER. THIS WEEK I SPENT ALMOST EVERYDAY AT YOUR PLACE. I STAY HOME ONLY FOR 2DAYS, YOU SAY I SPEND NOT ENOUGH TIME WITH YOU AND ALWAYS AT WORK. CMON W...
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE. Currently at my aunt's place. Baby mj-ed and lost near to 200 bucks, I took over and won back a 100. Now he's at it again. Sigh. Just not our luck I guess. :/ 3 xmas celebration this year. Tmrw gonna go for KOI celebration then to WS for mahjong tournament haha! Then sunday is awesome's gathering, mahjong again. Yeah that's what life is all about. Mahjong mahjong and more mahjong~ Hehe! $.$
Those calculations are driving me crazy. I've never been good with numbers, what's more, mental calculations. Sigh guess I need to put in more effort in everything. A few more days till Christmas, then a couple more to the end of the year. Now if your 2010 was being flimed on tape, would it be a good one? How would you feel if your 2010 is to be on replay and you are the audience?
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Second
Sometimes I really wish I had a big brother to take care of me, to be there for me when I'm down and to help me out when I got into trouble. Sick and tired of responsibilities.
原本的老G和老SMOOTH已变成了NAUGHTYG已及SMOOTHIE了! G-SMOOTHIE FTW~ And Christmas is only like 11days away! Excited like a G6 only hehehe! Am already fully booked for this week and next - G's clique, G's family, NYPLG, own family, WS. Only lacking awesome clique, MC and KOI :/ But I guess we will all be busy busy during this festive season so finding a time would be urmz hard. Sigh. Anyway I made up it (Awesome clique) up myself lol cause this group of people is like so freaking awesome (woots! \m/) okay includes MrAaronStephMargLipsAshGayHanJyMe. WE ARE AWESOME, BAH YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME! Kxz got nothing much to really elaborate on, just that work is getting tiring with the pearls and pearls and more pearls. :/ 煮珍珠煮到我的手要断掉了啦(!) then? Tsk. Nehmind cause work is getting fun-ner and fun-ni-er each passing day! KOI \m/ Heh! :D
My life had to be on the low end, all year round. Well there's nothing I can do now. I well deserved it. Stupid people make stupid mistakes like this. Don't know if it's really sabotage or really my fault. Well seriously the ninefivezero really fucking screwed up my already fucked up life. How I wish I can be free and do whatever I like. Life would be so much different now and hey, materials won't make one truly happy. I rather be poor, live a humble life but smiling everyday than to be financially stable but have to worry about nonsense. Fucking regret. Really really pissed and effedup. Whatever seriously whatever.
今天不知道为什么，想用华语来更新博客。可能是在KOI做久了，不之不觉有点想念 母语。啊，好感伤喔! 哈哈哈! 自从中学毕业之后，我就很少，几乎是零次用华语 打字或写华文字。突然间对华文好陌生。真不知道我那A2是着么拿来的! 程度真的 大跌，一落千仗 :( 再工作是说话用是会找不到适当的用词，脑海里都是英文词。 身为华人，真感到惨愧。 嗨。。。 最近发生了不少事，真让人苦恼。我也不知如何是好，就只好将心比心， 希望一切会好转。信任是什么东西啊，爱又是什么玩儿。令人欢喜又使人悲伤。至 今我只是走一步算一步。我也不敢再邀求什么，只是希望那一幕不会再从演。太痛 了，真的太痛了。要天天快乐真的好难啊! 现在要怎么放心去爱呢? 已经对爱产生 了阴影，都不知该如何去爱才正确。伤透了脑精也苦了我的心。 算了吧! 就把悲伤换成力量，头也不回，勇敢得踏出第一步吧! 加油!
Sometimes I really wonder why the heart is the strongest muscle in the body. And then I realised it is the strongest cause no matter how much amount of emotional pain inflicted, it will be willing to love again. But there are times when the damages are too extensive, so badly hurt that even when healed, there would be scars. And it will always be there to serve as a reminder, a lesson learned from past experiences. I had enough scars etched but somehow I do not learn. Therefore here I am now, wasted and in a dilemma. Heartbreak is an odd kind of pain because you are not dying. You are not even sick. You are perfectly fine yet you hurt so much that you can't even breathe. You can't sleep, you can't stop the tears from falling. You may eat too much, you may not eat at all. Non-smokers light up, non-drinkers find a bar. A broken heart is the world's greatest equalizer cause it can turn even the sweetest angel into a freaking devil.
Diet Day Two
DD2 was a complete failure. Ate maggie for lunch, then late dinner was bah chor mee and half share rojak. Then came home to found that there's dinner, so I ate and had chocs. FATTYISNOTGOINGTOGETANYSKINNIERONLYFATTERZOHHEMMGEEEYOUPIGPLEASESTOPEATINGZZZ! SIGH. Anyway now watching BOF like again. Yesyes but I'm doing so to learn my Korean! :) And the sudden urge to do naval piercing is here again! Tomorrow gonna go work and then to St.James. And webcammed with YSM just now cause I had a fashion crisis! HAHA and I created my own new way of wearing an oversized dress! Mmm hope it will be nice tomorrow. Seriously who wants to be a laughing stock eh! Molah fly away day again. :( Ohhhh Citibank Clear Card, I'm so getting you :) And I should be asleep now but am waiting for G to come over after work. 6am already y'know! Sigh, seriously eff my screwed up body clock. How wo change back seriously. Nowadays need to sleep for 12 hours then can wake up, but I'm working at 1730. A...
ITWILLNEVERBEENOUGH. IDONTKNOWWHYIMSTILLVERYAFFECTEDBYTHAT. ITWILLBRINGMEDOWNSOMEDAY,ITREALLYWILL.BUTTHERESNOTHINGICANDORIGHT. ITHINKIKNOWYOUWELL,ORINFACTITHINKIKNOWYOUTOOWELLTHATSWHY. WHATTHESHITSERIOUSLYISHOULDBEREALLYSTAYINGHAPPYORATLEASTTRYINGTO. NOPEIMNOTABITHAPPYNOWNOTSADALSOJUSTWANTINGNOTTOCAREABOUTANYTHINGALREADY. TOOEXHAUSTINGITSGONNAKILLIFIKEEPUPWITHTHIS. AMIBEINGABITCHNOW? CAUSEIDONOTWANTTOBEONE. Anyway was just ranting for the sake of doing it. It's thundering now, I had a very bad dream that woke me up, my left epigastrium has been hurting since I was asleep and I got to work later. It's not gastric I think, could be the alcohol but heck seriously. Okay now it started pouring. And I have a eff-ed up menstrual cycle. Random but whatever seriously. Bye.
There's a reason why people built walls around their heart. It serves as a protection, like an isolation ward for a patient who's undergoing chemotherapy. When you let the walls down and let someone in, it's like risking an infection. I'm infected. I'm ignoring. I'm avoiding my feelings. I'm trying my very best not to care. Whatever, I'm really refraining myself not to know. Detail kills. Is it really me with my absurd thoughts again cause this time round the feeling seems vaguely familiar, something's wrong. Women's instinct they call it. However nonsensical, mine have been pretty accurate. Honesty is the best policy no? Even if the truth hurts, I would want to know cause I believe no matter how hurtful the truth is, it wouldn't be as hurtful as the lie. IGNORE EVERYTHING & PRETEND THAT NOTHING HAS HAPPENED. Twenty-seven-fifty of cheap alcohol, take the pain away. Hope it would be enough.