Screams.


It's been a month long now & I still do miss you from time to time. 30days, I do not know how I'd managed to survive cause every single day, no matter how hard I try, my heart still feels the pain, freshly wounded like it was yesterday. I know I shouldn't be thinking about it now, but sometimes I feel tired, I dread falling asleep for I would dream of you, nightmares. Then waking up and putting on a mask to face people around me. I hide my emotions, I don't dare to think anymore. For the pain will always be there, no matter where I am, what I do. I've changed to a very very bad girl.

Biathlon trials for TeamNYP yesterday was great, I did not really do well in my swimming part but I was happy for my run! I did not wanna stop like always and I really think my stamina improved a great deal. Now I feel like joining SPBiathlon but it falls on the 17th which I already have plans for. Sigh, so many things to do yet so little time allowed. Training after that was great too, cause I gave my 100% to it and I completed everything :) Then I went over to meet the guys at Tampines and we stayed over at Gariel's for Germany vs Spain and I lost 25bucks! Sigh, and I sacrificed my sleep for these. Hmm yeah so we went school with only 3 hours of sleep and I lost money, split coffee on my white shirt, my leg wound got worse and I failed my skills assessment. Just my rotten luck!

Received a few emails today and two of them were regarding WS selection for Nationals, 14, 16 & 18 July. So we have to trial events and "fight" for top 6 to be in the team. I'm like stressed to the max. I sucked at beach events and my pool events are just mediocre, how to survive in this industry. I don't think I can train regularly when August ends, if things goes smoothly I will be doing my clinical postings from September all the way to February with only 6 weeks of break in between. I need tonnes of motivation now cause the passion is burning in me. And I've decided to leave my school's swimteam.

Now I will go do something useful. :)

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