Candiesforyou

Note to self: No matter what happens, please be on your best behaviour for the 3days.

Hello world, do you know white is the new black? Ohmygod (!!) The "Whiteberry" is in action.

I don't really know what to blog about today. I had something on my mind this afternoon and having short-term memory is not doing me good. Nothing ever stays in my brain for long, just like my lectures notes and all the knowledge. Whatever man seriously! I have goals but also have a fear of people mocking at me and my goals - Getting into the Arafura Games 2011. It's a sporting event held in Australia, Darwin and being able to attend it as a sportsman meaning getting into Team Singapore Lifesaving. Criteria is top 8 position for 4 individual events and it's already two down, so two more to go? I don't even think I have enough individual beach events. Dang, life's so sucky sometimes. Hopefully they would take relay events into account. I want, I want, I want it so badly. Gotta train hard, after my papers. Now I should mug hard. Blackberry Bold 9700 (White), I'm so getting you tomorrow, Teeeeheeeeheeeeeeee~ & I could eat Mac's Cinnamon Melts all day long,

It's already 25th and August would be coming to an end. I've pretty much wasted the whole month away, playing and eating way too much. Exams in 2 weeks time and competition in 3, sometimes I question my ability to prioritize my responsibilities. I've been playing and playing, enjoying my study-break and forgetting what is this break actually for-Study. I ask myself way too much questions and make myself think and reflect. I call this spending some quality "alone time" with myself. This is the time which I block everything out and it's just me and "the voice in my head" questioning each other about the every single thing that matters in my life. Nope I'm definitely not hallucinating and you've just got to admit, sometimes you find yourself talking to yourself in your head. (Like now, you're asking if you really did talk to yourself sometimes.) Do you ever felt neglected by someone important? Sometimes, I do. I think I'm thinking too mu

Life isn't sad at all, the eally sad part about it is knowing that the one who screwing up your life is yourself. It has always been me. And the good old brains took so long to process, after all the losses and unnecessary unhappiness. I hope I'm not too late. It's not the same anymore, the feeling is growing and it's taking control. Same old, follow your heart cause whatever your brain thinks, your heart will know that it's a lie cause it's your heart that feels the pain, not your brain. Crushed and cast aside, it's all I deserve. Happiness appears to be within reach and opps, I'd totally missed out that thick glass wall in front of me. Fate is toying with me, playing with my feelings. I'm dying inside, really. When I thought everything is going well, something just had to come and bring me down. It's a routine I guess, I really shouldn't get too comfortable with my life. Sometimes I wish I can tear myself, take the bloody heart out and thro

Funny how words can make a great deal to make someone happy and do a one-eighty change to one's emotions. The thoughts that were in my mind a while back, I did a pretty bad job shutting them it. Well the truth is after a few feeble attempts, I gave up trying to shut them. Now those thoughts are running wild now or rather, they're on a wild rampage, creating chaos and stirring the emoshitz out of me. Seriously, it's so bothering me. Big time. Study session today was a big screw-up. I did notes but nothing went into this peabrain of mine, literally. And as usual I ended up dozing off on my lecture notes. They're pillows, like how the lecture tables are like beds. Anyway my arms and back ached like shitz (or even worse) after that nap and I couldn't put on my jacket, tq youseeme for helping me. That's how pathetic I am after a sudden return to training after 2 weeks of hiatus. So I gave today's session a miss and went to Bugis and had gotten fatter. I was being

Compromise. I'm happy, are you?

Diet day 2 failed 10times more terribly than yesterday but nevertheless I was in a pretty good mood, a 8/10 day! 2 points deducted due to the stupid mouth and the absence of you. The last 12 hours was superb and I'd enjoyed every single minute of it, even the talk-it-out part. It will only make us stronger, won't it? And thinking back, it hurts a little and the way I reacted was a little funny, hmm "like a what only". But neh-mind, at least now we know don't we. Alright tomorrow tomorrow I'm gonna go training and whee it's gonna be good man, it'd better be good. And if all goes well, I'm gonna go down to Sentosa for PFT on Thursday rather than the "planned" Sunday, 4 days is just way too long. Well anyhoo I need to manage my money now cause no matter how smoothly things can turn out to be, mine will always be a whole lot rougher than the others. So yeah, brace yourself for the worst silly girl. And this time I swear I'm not thinking t

I should probably do something useful like stop eating and doing some exercise but yet again, I lacked the self discipline to do self-training. It'd always has been the barrier which I've been unable to overcome. Some sportsman huh, lack the discipline to train to become better. Maybe that's why I'm no good at all. Pissed anyway I'm aching from training yesterday again. :/ Diet day 1 was a complete failure, my mouth has been itching for food the whole day literally. Self-discipline and self-restrain, I so need you now.

Nobody is perfect, so stop looking for the perfection in someone. It's all about looking pass the imperfections and making everything else work. Nobody is made for one another and two very different being together is no easy task. You need to learn about that person, get used to the person, change that person then try to live with that person. It's only human nature to pick on each other, we need to learn how to compromise. I had a 6/10 points day today. It started with a very cold beach training, running, swimming with more running and swimming then running. And today was also a VERY painful day as my period cramps decided to visit me in the afternoon. Very nearly died trying to walk to Bugis only to be crushed yet again, but everything's settled now. There's no need to look back into the past cause we need to learn from all mistakes no? And I'm freaking fat now, need to diet already can fatasspigheadporkchop. Stop eating lah, urghhhhhhh zzzz! HAPPY BIRTHDAY OCK BF

Dreams, they either makes no sense at all, or they will represent part of your life, reflect the deepest desire you've been longing for or bring out worst fear which you have been repressing. When one dreams, the subconscious mind takes over and everything runs wild. Your dream represent you, your thoughts and your fear. I'm sorry to be part of those dreams, I'm sorry to be part of those nightmares. I'm sorry for the kind of storyline those dreams had. I'm sorry I had to star in them. I'm sorry to implant those thoughts into you, it's accidental. I would never do such a thing. I caused all of your anxiety, I caused all those worries. If dreams were to appear in reality, it wouldn't hurt so much while I'm typing this. Dreams are not supposed to hurt, you can't feel pain in a dream. I didn't know I caused so much insecurities, it's really disappointing, not you but me. You need your very own totem, to keep in touch with reality. Dreams alwa

Today I'm gonna be superficial, so superficial that you might just wanna close your window once you start reading the first sentence of the next paragraph. So brace yourself for the superficial me. How I envy all the skinny people in the world. (Are you still reading?) To me, they're blessed with the most wonderful thing in the world- being able to enjoy food without the worry for gaining pounds. They do not face the fear of getting up the scale and seeing the numbers, they do not worry about unsightly bulges and they look good in (almost) everything. Sharp face, skinny arms, long fingers, flat tummy, small hips, straight thighs & calf, pretty feet. The pretty things, I do not have, sad. Okay this is so not like me to talk about these impossible wants. Face it, there's nothing much I can really do but wait. I should find something to occupy my longlonglong holidays. I'm not gonna be out on clinicals anyway, so I should really do something useful rather than lazing m

I love my life now, pretty much everything. Happy and somewhat contented, this is something which I hadn't been feeling for awhile. I had a great time with the girls shopping at town then meeting the guys for dinner. And the past few days were occupied, not wasting my holidays away. Great holidays so far, hopefully nothing will change. Okay something JUST changed. I'm not being posted for my clinicals. Thank you I shall take back all my happiness and contentment. I should be jolly well prepared for this but fuck, I'm screwed big time! Oh mask, when I need you, I will take you out and put you on. And you know you have been my best friend for so many years. You have hidden my sorrow from the rest, they do not know and they shall not be known. You understands me the best and you helped me in times of need. Mask oh mask, when can I put you away for good, I feel so dependent on you. Sometimes I freaking hate being so fake, not to others but to myself. This is life. To make yours

Life was so much more interesting when it was a school day. Holidays just started and I'm already bored of it. Yes no doubt studying is boring too and friends is prolly my only reason to go for class and now, hanging out with them outside school is hell awesome but it also means decrease in monetary assets! Cheap hangout place, anyone know intro pleasez! This morning I found myself staring at facebook & the funny thing is, facebook stared back. There's no updates, no nothing, everyone's either at work, at class or still in bed. And ask me why I woke up early when I could sleep in, it's because of a phone call. But the phone call was good, very darn good in fact (Y) So no complains here. Ohhh and I got a bit depressed when I saw my bank balance the other day, I'm such a poor thing now, so poor, cashless, broke. Conclusion, I need to work.

There's always been something about me and sleep, we just couldn't get along. I need sleep, but sadly I don't think sleep even likes me at all. It's always avoiding me, and when we finally have some quality time to ourselves, it's always short-lived. Yesterday was like this > Beach training with loads of run,swim,run & MORE running. Basically my whole leg feels wobbly now and the muscles are so tight that it could jolly well cramp up anytime now. Went East Coast Park, had dinner. Mahjonged and lost monnehhhh~ Sleep deprived now but it's okay, at least I'm happy. ANYTHING FOR MAHJONG, it's worth it! :D Hmm gonna start studying for exams this week and I need to stop spending money. :(

We need to realise that nothing can be perfect, we should be contented with what God blessed us with. Pursuing perfection is no doubt satisfying but it can be a tedious process. Personally, I see no point in finding perfection in everything little thing but in turn, making yourself miserable, affected by every setback you faced. The sense of achievement vs the tedious process (physically&emotionally), what would you choose? Are you the type of person who looks at only the product or are you the kind who prefers the process? I'm more of a process kind of person, no doubt product is important, but as long as one stay happy during the process, any good product will be a bonus. :) I'm happy now, was searching on the font for my tatts. Most prolly birthday present for myself. And as I grow, I don't really look forward to my own birthday anymore, it's like celebrating myself getting old. Birthdays should be a happy occasion, but how can one be happy over the fact that she

Where do one find happiness in this hectic life, where everything moves so quickly together with time. There is indeed no meaning to life, we should be living it, not living in it. We should just do whatever we want, enjoying it to the fullest with minimal worries. Cause life is full of regrets, disappointments, "what if"s and no one can avoid it. To find happiness, in you. :)

Everything comes to an end. For the twenty of us, it ended great. Some of us love each other to the deepest point of hell and some of us till today never did meet eye to eye, but it was a good 2 years of memories worth keeping, no? In the years we had our fair share of joy & laughter and now it's time to bid farewell. I had a great time yesterday, spending the last day of school with my classmates. Class bonding, something which was so important during secondary school days. When poly started, the class was very much divided into small cliques, poly classmates were "different" then those in secondary school. Be it age-gap or difference in thinking, we still love each other. Now everything had ended, we will be off fending for ourselves in the working life, I will definitely miss all of them. Lunch Buffet @ Sakura, bowling @ Kallang, dinner @ ChompChomp then chilling session @ LiquidKitchen with awesome classmates & Aaron (I'm not allowed to call him "cher

Last day of school tomorrow, three years passed in a flash. There are bound to be times that I would miss so badly and they would be leading their own lives after this, I truely hope everyone can make some effort keeping in touch with each other. Class outing tomorrow, it's gonna be blast! :) I've always heard those sayings, "Always expect the unexpected", "Don't judge a book by it's cover", "Looks can be deceiving". It is hard to let go, it is no doubt one of the toughest thing to do but then again, suffer for a moment then to suffer long-term holding onto something which has no value anymore. There can be no room for mistakes in a relationship, at least not a mistake like this. Overboard, too much really. Hopefully you can realise this, sorry if I was harsh or too straight just now. You just need to know. Okay I need to chill too, get some rest and feel better tomorrow. It's the last day of school, woots!

Breakthrough. I was totally contented despite all the minor setbacks. I'm expecting total body aches when I wake up tomorrow. August started out very wet over at Kallang where competitors were freezing doing their events. WaterSapiens did well, and we can do even better, just one more month! Personal achievements, broke all my personal bests and realises the importance of mental strength. I met my goals this nationals, which was to give it all for relays which I did. We gotten bonuses too- 1bronze&2sliver medals. My first few medals in National lifesaving event, thank you all :) Individual events, both in 8th placing and rope was as disappointing as ever. Shouldn't talk about it anymore, only makes me feel like crying, sigh. Now new found motivation, new goals, twenty-eleven I will do even better. Napfa today was a little disappointing, I missed my gold all thanks to standing board jump alone, I'd even broke my own PB in 2.4k run. I was pretty amazed by my own time, I d

Anxiety levels increasing at a tremendous speed, I'd just viewed the event booklet for tomorrow's competition. Should I be glad or sad when I'm competing side by side against my friends? Should I feel a tinge of relieve or should I feel even more stressed up? Sports psychology, I need a moment with myself really, just me and my events. I was really determined to just go and do my best, not worrying about winning cause no matter what, it's do or die (terribly). But now, I need to chill. I'm exhausted, both physically and mentally, I should go text someone, he will make me feel better :) And go rest. No matter what, I'm gonna give it all. GO WATERSAPIENS! & Hello August, will you be good to me?