Change


Today my heart shattered yet again but this time round, I caught the pieces before they reached the ground.

For the past few days, I felt aimlessly empty in myself. I felt so pathetic and I decided to really put faith into him and I started reading The Bible. I'm not one who is religious or so to say but I really felt comfort in me when I started reading, and now it accompanies me wherever I go. I told God my situation and prayed for his blessing for me and E if we were back together. I asked for happiness. I prayed for a better July. True enough, God opened my eyes today and made me realized that happiness can only be acquired through me and myself only. I broke down totally, and my friends were there for me, they are all angels, heaven sent. After I was all done with crying, I took a five minutes time-out, fresh air was what I needed the most. It did clear my mind when I looked out afar from the corridor and I thought to myself, "hey girl, it's time you moved on. Cause two years it has been, lovely sweet, too much of good things can make you sick too. Time to move on, even the sweetest chocolates expires." Then I was all refreshed, I was happy totally.

Something made me happier, I'm glad that I was "accepted" into E's family. Well not literally but yeah hope you get the meaning. I wasn't confident about myself when I first met them but well, I just be my usual self and yeap, I'm "preferred". Thank you for all the words you've said, they're really heart-felt words. I wished to be a real family with you all someday but that's not possible anymore. Maybe if there's a chance, but still thank you from the deepest point of my heart. :)

For the past 3 weeks, I couldn't talked about E without shedding my tears. The mere thought of him breaks my heart. But today, I talked so freely about him, I laughed till my heart's desires and I was fine. I did great! I studied but I doubt any knowledge went into my pea-brain. And I told them about my worst fear. I did not felt an ounce of a heartache, a drop of tear. I'm proud of myself. You did it girl.

Now have faith and believe in yourself. For it's only you who can make yourself happy. He will regret, yes he will. No matter what reason it is, he will regret. No I'm not mad at him, I just want him to be happy. Moving on not because I want to forget him, but because I don't want to break his happiness. I'm a nobody to him and if he still loves me, he will be back. Cause I will still be praying and putting faith into God. He shall play this game for me, I'm the pawn.

I'm carrying on with life, with you in my backpack. Always remembering you, needing you and only taking you out when needed. Love many still :)

& Praise the lord!

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