If only you could see me now

It's one of those sleepless nights again. I busied myself day and night but my mind still have space and time for you. How... No distractions can takr you off my mind, memories just linger, even it was short, but it was fucking sweet.

I thought I was getting better but I think i am kidding myself. Obviously with all these thoughts and tears I am not alright. I still misses you and I really don't know why. I am so silly. It was a night to remember, a week of untold promises, a deal done. But how much of it is true? To me, it will always be a regret. Regret for not seizing the day and following my heart. I followed my fucking brain and ended up here, thinking and longing for you. Even though I know how this will end, I am still expecting you. Maybe it has already ended, or for fuck sake maybe there was nothing at all. A game and I fucking lost. I know I will lose yet I chose to play. Gave in to temptation and see where it got me. I barely knew you! What has become of me. I'm not sure if I will ever walk away but I know I will never be the same anymore.

And this whirlpool of emotions I have not experienced before, so strange yet so beautiful at the same time. I don't wanna forget you, somehow I want this pain. So beautiful yet painful. I feel so sick to the core. Fuck this shit. Really, must I really lose myself to find myself in the process. It's not anything you said or did, it's just the feeling that came along with it. And I knew you were trouble when you walked in, shame on me. Now I am lying on the cold hard ground.

I wish you well &
see you when I see you.
Hopefully...

Xx

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