Wait

Wait. The wait is always the hardest part. That wait to go into the examination hall, that wait before your results get released, that wait before you get your dinner served, that wait for the bus which seemed take forever to arrive, that wait for friends who are "on their way", that wait for someone to text, that wait for this and that. It's the wait for the unknown..

I'm waiting now... for many things in fact. But physically, I'm at the emergency department waiting, waiting for that incomplete update from the ED resident, wait for that blood result which will either be normal or abnormal, the wait for some concrete finding or diagnosis or at least differentials.

It kinda sucked to be on the receiving end of healthcare, being so powerless and helpless to the situation and all one can do is to wait and hope that things will turn out fine. Then situation forces you to reveal yourself as a healthcare professional and things get a little better as the care provider starts using medical lingo but yet frustrating knowing that there are so many investigations to be done with no conclusive findings. Well at least as healthcare professionals, we tend to be pretty frank with each other, we don't sugarcoat stuff (that's a given) and I am thankful for that.

What's making the wait worse is the perpetual lack of sleep and being physically unwell. I guess we have to grow up and assume such responsibilities one day because as we kids are busy growing up, they are growing older by the day too. While we seek for our own happiness, we tend to neglect their happiness.

Yes this is guilt, guilty for not paying enough attention, for being physically there but not there, for not being enough. Being in healthcare, hoping for a cure is pretty impossible, all I hope is for a better prognosis. Keeping you in my prayers xx.