Candiesforyou

Hooots, life's gonna get so much more interesting as days go by. Today is bipolar-day as my brain goes haywired and emotion fluctuates. Day rating: 5, people who make my day, break my day so yeah, life's pretty fair. So overall it's not that bad. Been spenting too much of Vitamin M (as usual). So I went to town today, intending to watch a movie but ended up with no movies but shopping again. Gotten a pair of pumps (I LIKE IT ALOT!), a shorts and a dress from F21. Seriously turning into a F21 person. I should so totally avoid shopping malls and blogshops, anywhere which can make me broke, I should avoid. Abstinence is key. As we grow, our perception of things changes. We mature. How amusing it was to think back 10 years ago, boy-girl relationship is a "eeeeewwww or a yucks! thing", then 5 years later, it's a in thing, "wah people got bf/gf, I also want!", and now, things get pretty serious or at least for me and the girls. It's not puppylove anymo...

Today was good, rate it 6/10points cause there's many ups and there's downs. I had my last presentation and it was pretty good I feel, at least there's not much mistakes in our slides. And then was Biathlon, the event was being delayed by an hour and I thought I could make it in time for training. It ended at 8, so darn late. Well didn't know my swim timing and placing but I did pretty well! Didn't slack and gave in all my best, and my run-partner was so darn fast in the last 200m sprint! Thanks man, for the encouragement, no matter what the placing, we both did well. :) I'm apologize for being a bitch just now, it's my bad. Hopefully it will make us stronger. Thank you :) Tomorrow gonna be a good day too. And for sunday, I really don't wanna put any stress on myself anymore. There's this famous saying in my secondary school, "What you believe is what you will achieve." It's do or die on Sunday, so just treat it like a training session ...

Yesterday I'd said tomorrow will be a better day and yes indeed, today was a great day! Morning was Mr Aaron's farewell party and had an awesome time with FYP mates. Then was self-training all the way till night which was pretty awesome too. I'm "on-form" today and everything went smoothly. Hopefully I will be performing better coming Sunday, but I've learn not to put much hope as high hopes only lead to greater disappointment. I should just go and complete the events with no pressure and if I win, I win. All out for relays. Go WSapiens, let's go and have some fun! :D I'm having smalls blister wound on my toes, sepak and rope injuries again. Sigh but heck if I do well during Nationals, everything would be worth it. And tomorrow's Pol-ite Biathlon, also praying hard that I would not come in last, not intending to get any placing but not last, that's good enough for me. I should stop munching on nonsense cause after all I've been through to ...

I'm done with the slides for the last presentation of my school life in poly. And I'm left with 8 official school days and I'm done with school. So gonna miss everyone so much. It's a pity that everyone only got bonded in year 3 but nevertheless it's good. Despite the conflicts we faced, we should remain as friends in the future, it's fate that brought us together as a class, we should honour it. :) I should quit whining about being stressed up by competition, school and what so ever cause I made choices and I have to live with it. Sorry for being such a bitch. Pms-ing now too, today I've experienced one of my worst mood swings throughout the day, can be smiling and laughing and the next moment, staring and glaring at people feeling fked up. Monthly affairs, cannot help it. And did I mention that I'm quite in love with balloons and I've been secretly hoping for something. I'm finally acting like a girl for once. :) Okayz so now I'm dead tired...

On and on people around you make an impact in your life, some did just earlier on today. I was totally disappointed with myself cause I could not exercise self-discipline and let people down. They trusted me and I broke my own promises, such a let down. I couldn't get pass my own conscience. I'm gonna be nineteen soon, I should be mature and responsible enough, for this is the path that I chose, this is what I love isn't it. Why is this happening, urghhh. Tension is building up inside me, it's a week away and I do not expect much from myself cause I've really been slacking much ever since June. I'm such a waste, I'm such a let down. Fuck seriously why am I doing all these nonsense to make me feel so fucking disappointed with myself. Fml seriously. Don't tell me it's okay cause it's definitely not, wait till sunday. I'm pretty sure I will have an emotional breakdown, it's a standard routine during compeition for me to cry. Cause I care why...

Everything happens for a reason, everything happens for a reason. So whatever is going on with my life now I should just accept it. Anyway I'm really happy now and I shouldn't feel vexed now. On contary I feel relieved that things are going smoothly now and not the other way round. July really a good month for me, at least till now. I should just go with the flow and stop creating unnecessary problems for myself. Cause I will be happy and everyone else will be too. That's enough. Fyp event yesterday was superb and despite me putting in so little effort (my booth is relatively easy to handle), I've gotten an A, well everyone else did. So yippeee yooooo another reason to be happy. Ohh training was great, despite not swimming for a week I still have the water feel but now my biceps are aching like mad, did some events and I can only conclude that I need to train super hard. It's only one more week till the big day. Now I pray for a better August. :) Ohhhh I have six ev...

Many things happened over the weekends and after yesterday I felt a tinge of relieve. But nonetheless my emotions are still having a war and my id and superego are also debating about what's the right thing to do. But heck, I will never forgive myself for doing so cause it's going against my principles of life. I'm going to stay happy, worry less and smile everyday. Cause my life is being condemned and I'm going to the deepest point of hell after I die, tartarus if it really existed. Urghhh sometimes I just wish I had made the other choice but life sucks and nobody can change it. fml.

Officially declaring pms so will be highly irritable for the next who-knows-how-many-days till it starts, prolly a week from now. I've been pretty much a bitch lately or at least I feel like one. Sigh today I'd lost my temper yet again, like come on they were jsut having fun and I had to admit, their silly actions were funny but I was dead tired and my feets were aching badly. Maybe that's why I flared, really snapped & flared. Sigh. I'm dead beat now and I hope my mind can just shut down for a few hours but I keep thinking and thinking, really exhuased now. Now my head spins, thank you very much. I should just go rest and maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

When was the last time I felt so tired before? I couldn't do much today, I couldn't concentrate too, I feel so much like a liability to the group. Sigh, I should really stop late nights on school days. And with increasing stress levels, I should really catch up on the time spent with my lovely bed, I miss him alot together with MrPillow and my bluebaby Scrump. And I have something on my mind. I shouldn't think so much, cause I don't have much brain cells left to spare. Had fun today in school though, my fypmates are fun to be with. Hope we will still be close after fyp ends. And the statistics blog is more or less done, touch-up tomorrow and it's ready for marking. K-boxed was great too. Good stress reliever :) I was pissed today, finally after so long, I'd lost control over my temper. It's a bad sign. PMS maybe but it's too soon to be it. Sigh, but my body was never in any correct state to begin with, what big f. Time trials tomorrow, and friday and sun...

The world should love more, and put those bad thoughts away. Cause we only live once, we should live happy. I don't know what you are trying to do, motivating people but hurting another is definitely not a good enough method. Cause you only made yourself look more disgusting. You have a major attitude problem dude, and also a low EQ I would say. Sorry for being mean, it's very personal I guess. For a guy, you are remarkably self-centered with the tiniest space for others. Be generous. And thank you people for cheering me up this week. I've been out late nights for many days and I'm enjoying my life without E now. I'm contented with my life now, I shouldn't ask for more, cause human beings will never know their limits and realise their own greed. Sigh, I should be happy for what I have now and just maintain happy. Cause nothing in the world is gonna bring me down. :)

It's been a month long now & I still do miss you from time to time. 30days, I do not know how I'd managed to survive cause every single day, no matter how hard I try, my heart still feels the pain, freshly wounded like it was yesterday. I know I shouldn't be thinking about it now, but sometimes I feel tired, I dread falling asleep for I would dream of you, nightmares. Then waking up and putting on a mask to face people around me. I hide my emotions, I don't dare to think anymore. For the pain will always be there, no matter where I am, what I do. I've changed to a very very bad girl. Biathlon trials for TeamNYP yesterday was great, I did not really do well in my swimming part but I was happy for my run! I did not wanna stop like always and I really think my stamina improved a great deal. Now I feel like joining SPBiathlon but it falls on the 17th which I already have plans for. Sigh, so many things to do yet so little time allowed. Training after that was great ...

Weekends was good, I had fun being with people who cared for me and in turn, I should not make them worry and be a happy girl once again right. Cause in the past I was one person who smiled and laughed everyday until you took it away with you when you left. Now a simple smile rarely comes by, just for entertainment purposes only eh. But fret not, I'm gonna be okay! I had the Saturday morning spent with the awesome WSapiens mahjong-ing at ZhenHao's place. Then I went for lifesaving lessons (been MIA-ing for eons), and I had some heart to heart talk with Jasmine. :) Was supposed to go for training on sunday but I had awful cramps all thanks to the time of the month. Sigh, so I'd decided to spent the day to myself, reading The Bible & I had dinner with Jasmine and we toured IMM, shopping :) Weekends are the hardest to pass cause it used to be full of you, I need to fill those empty slots during the week in order not to die from thinking and missing you. Weekdays are much b...

I thought I'm all over it but I would be definitely lying if I said I'm perfectly alright. Whatever that happened made a big impact on my life, on me. I dont wanna cheat myself and put on a fake front everyday. I wanna be me, just me. I will move on but no I cannot forget, not two years. I need you to know that this issue meant a great deal to me. Hope you understand. You made your choice and I respect it. We were the past. I closed my eyes to sleep last night and all I get was flashes of images, images of both of you happy, smiling together. I couldn't sleep, I felt terrible. I feel digusted with myself. I've been lying to people around me, I've been lying to myself. Now dear time, please pass quickly. Cause I do need some therapy, do me some good. Get me out of this pathetic state. And I hope you know, if you're doing this for the sake of making me angry & give up on you, it's totally not working. I'm not like any other regular girls out there, you...

Today my heart shattered yet again but this time round, I caught the pieces before they reached the ground. For the past few days, I felt aimlessly empty in myself. I felt so pathetic and I decided to really put faith into him and I started reading The Bible. I'm not one who is religious or so to say but I really felt comfort in me when I started reading, and now it accompanies me wherever I go. I told God my situation and prayed for his blessing for me and E if we were back together. I asked for happiness. I prayed for a better July. True enough, God opened my eyes today and made me realized that happiness can only be acquired through me and myself only. I broke down totally, and my friends were there for me, they are all angels, heaven sent. After I was all done with crying, I took a five minutes time-out, fresh air was what I needed the most. It did clear my mind when I looked out afar from the corridor and I thought to myself, "hey girl, it's time you moved on. Cause t...